Archive for relationships

Frigid?

Posted in Dear Glace advice with tags , , , on May 5, 2008 by Glace Chase

Dear GC

I am in need of guidance. There’s a guy that I’ve known for a few weeks now – we’ve gone out for dinner a few times, we’ve been flirting online… When we hang out there’s a buzz there between us… But I have no idea if he’s interested in friendship or something more. The other night when we were having dinner I sent my friend a text when he ran off to the bar saying, “dinner is going well but I can’t work out if we’re on a date or not!” So far there’s been no kissing, no touching… Normally I’d say that meant he’s not interested, but he’s always mentioning how he likes to take things slow, so maybe this is just his style? Confused.

 

Sweetie, I’m confused too. No man has ever done that to me. It must be refreshing to not have a man pawing at you straight away, albeit a tad un-nerving. Your languid lover-to-be may think he is being chivalrous; in reality he’s just annoying. He must understand that you have needs. You must force him to play his hand (as it were). I suggest you get him over to your place for a night cap. Turn on the tv – accidentally play some bb porn and note his reaction. Spike his drink with rohypnol and drag him to your bedroom. Undress him (its perfectly acceptable to have a snoop at his privates). Get under the covers and have a great night’s sleep cuddling into your comatose man. When he wakes up the next morning confess that you feel guilty about what happened but were persuaded by his sincerity and passion. Then ask if you need to go on PEP. If he high foots it out the door, its safe to say he’s not interested. If he stays you’ve found yourself a keeper. Good luck.

Love Glace oxo 

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Asshole?

Posted in Dear Glace advice with tags , , , , on April 25, 2008 by Glace Chase

Hi Glace,

I need your help with a boy. I’ve met this boy – he’s funny, intelligent, can hold a conversation, good looking, a good body, but here’s the deal killer – he can’t kiss to save himself. It’s like  a wet dog excited to see his owner – all teeth, a bit sloppy and no real romanticism. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to train a new kisser, I think anyone over the age of 25 should have some skills in this field, otherwise I have to move on. So I don’t know how to handle the situation, do I tell him straight up there’s no chemisty, or do I used the good old “It’s not you, It’s me, but can we be friends” line. I would still like to be his friend.
Thanks

“I don’t have time to train a new kisser”??? Why? Too busy stroking your own ego? This guy has everything except a firm mouth. Saliva retention and an accurate tongue are skills that can be taught, especially by those that take an interest. Too bad you’re only interested in yourself. I suggest you sit him down and let him know, calmly, that the kissing aspect needs some work. And then teach him. Helping others better themselves is what separates us from the animals – try it sometime. It’ll give you a new feeling: warmth. If you still insist on breaking up with him because you’re “too busy” then I suggest you use the following line: “We can’t see each other anymore because I’m an asshole”. If he knows what’s good for him he won’t stick around for the friends part.
Love Glace x